So while most of the time I fight
through minor illnesses by ignoring them stubbornly and getting on with my life
(often doing more damage than anything else, but oh well :P), when I do come
down with something particularly bad I go into full grumpy baby mode. Right now
– I have bronchitis, and let me tell you it is no fun at all. Aside from the
block sinuses inducing horrendous sinus headaches, the painful sore throat, the
awful cracking coughing fits and all the rest of it – comes a healthy dose of
feeling incredibly sorry for myself. And I must say, it always is when I am at
my lowest – my absolute sickest and grossest – that I feel the loneliest.
I don’t know if this is one of
those universal things (I am desperately hoping so, so I am not the only silly
sad thing out there) but it something I started feeling more and more acutely ever
since I left home and went to uni. Moving from the lovely temperate coastal climate
of Durban to the rather temperamental inland climate of Grahamstown (where, as
everyone says, “you can experience all 4 seasons in one day”), I found myself
getting sick way more often than I used to. The first time I got really sick
and found myself having to trudge, all on my own, all the way into the doctor
in town, and then to the pharmacy, and then all the way home, only to sit in my
room feeling crap still all on my own – I realised how shitty it is not having
anyone to look after you. Now – I am perfectly capable of looking after myself
like 99.9% of the rest of the time, don’t get me wrong. It’s just when I’m
really sick that all I want is constant attention and someone to wait on me
hand and foot. :P Then I discovered, a little way down the line, that there is
a perfect person to perform such tasks – your boyfriend!! (When you had one of
course.) I have super distinct memories of being looked after by boyfriends
when sick and never appreciating and loving them more for going out of their
way to make what must have been a not very great person to be around (to say
the least) feel better. I remember in first year, my first ever real boyfriend,
having been given a list by his mom of all the things that would help me
recover from whatever illness I was suffering from at the time, and him driving
all over town just trying to find me real cranberry juice (because the
retardedly small town of G does not just stock such things in every store, you
see). And in 4th year when my boyfriend at the time went to pick and
pay (because the chemist was already closed) to try and find me anti-nausea
pills (me being so nauseous I could die) and when he found they didn’t have
any, didn’t just come back empty handed to tell me this (like most would have
done), but rather Googled natural remedies for nausea on his phone – the answer
being ginger – and proceeded to buy ginger in every form he could find it in
the store (ginger tea, ginger ale and even actual ginger pieces). So I guess
one could say that, while in relationships, I had experienced being super
spoilt while in my state of woe-is-me. And while it was awesome then, it now
makes me feel about a million times worse every time I am ill again, because
not only do I get all the symptoms of the disease, along with the
being-reduced-to-an-infant syndrome, but I also get the incredible loneliness
of being single and completely without a Superman/Florence Nightingale hybrid
as I had had before. All I want is to be brought tasty things, and handed my
meds one by one while someone stands by with a glass of water, and to be
cuddled off to dreamland in my pill-induced sleepy times.
For now, I will remain feeling sick, sorry for myself, and like I will be ‘forever alone.’ :p
Love and peace and healthy vibes
to all you lovelies out there <3
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