Thinking about the past while the future looms...

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So I opened up this new window with the intention of writing an entirely different post, and then while looking for an image on We Heart It, I came across this little quote (thanks Christy) that really resonated with the way I've been feeling at the moment. With this whole Korea move looming, I feel as if I'm really on the edge of a precipice. Like I'm about to cross over a very distinct line between my past and my future. Like my life is truly about to begin. And whenever I am in these moments of great change, moving from one space to a completely new one, I always seem to get incredibly contemplative. I can't help but think about the past couple of years of my life, how I got to the point I'm at right now, and how I've changed over the last few years. 

The last 4 years were obviously my university days (which I sincerely hope are not over, but return again in some new and wonderful form later when I can actually afford to study again). I say this all the time and it is absolutely true that going to Rhodes really was the best decision of my life. I had both super wonderful times and incredibly difficult times there. I made some of the best friends I have ever had, and experienced the greatest heartache I have had to face (so far, at least). In the whole process I have learnt an incredible amount about who I am as a person. And I imagine that journey of self-discovery (as completely corny as that sounds) is going to continue and be exponentially more challenging and more rewarding in this new phase of life. But while I had amazing times at Rhodes there are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, and a lot of things I still don't really feel I've maybe gained complete closure over. As mentioned before I stress out about everything and tend to over-analyse situations and people all the time. So when a certain decision has - let's just say - a less than favourable outcome, I often struggle to accept or understand it in any other terms other than there must be some inherent flaw within my being that caused things not to work out. And that said inherent flaw is going to subsequently follow me around for the rest of my life and cause future endeavours of a similar nature to fail too. (I realise at this point that this is turning, once again, into one of those incredibly vague feelings-rants which make very little sense but I shall push through it none the less.)

And so its really hard not to let the baggage of my past get in the way of my future. This has been a problem of mine in relationships - letting the doubt instilled in me from previous experiences impact on the relationship I was in at the time, in a negative way. And even though it would be the exact opposite of what I wanted to do, I couldn't help but always carry the shadow of my past failures into all the undertakings which followed, to their detriment. A very big reason why I felt like I needed, at this point, to do something this bold - to go to another country and start a completely new life away from everything I know - is because I feel I need to be reminded that there is so much more out there. Sometimes one can get stuck in these little bubbles in your mind which really restrict what you feel is possible for yourself. And no amount of positive thinking or pep talking can convince you that its ever going to be otherwise. Until you actually go out there, experience something new, and can no longer deny that things are in fact not the way they seem, and that life will constantly surprise you - in challenging and amazing ways. I need to see that there is new and there is different and there is exciting and there is more - and most important of all, that I can thrive within that. (This is not, for a second to say that I am not leaving behind an incredible amount of amazing, because I am - in my special family, my wonderful friends, and my beautiful country. But for my own personal growth, I just feel like I need a paradigm shift.)

I'm not sure if any of this rambling will make any sense to anyone else out there. I just think sometimes we need to be reminded that we are not the sum of our past experiences. And that past experiences sometimes need to stay just that - past experiences. Take all the good that you can from them and then move on. Because if previous bad times are going to linger over the rest of your life they could prevent you from fully embracing all the great ones to come. 

Peace and love and new beginnings to all the wonderful souls out there <3

Fears for Korea

So as I mentioned before, in a few weeks (just about 3 now, to be exact) I will be jetting off to South Korea. And as I also mentioned before this is HUGE for me. Most of my friends have had at least one or two international holidays by now and have at least some experience of travelling overseas and all that entails. But I have not been so lucky to have had any experience of such WHATSOEVER. And the prospect of this big move is FREAKING ME OUT. (Yes, there is probably going to be a lot of caps in this post - be prepared.) As anyone who knows me will tell you – especially my friend Ari, who, after spending just one morning with me in my house while I was trying to get ready for nothing but a simple little weekend away, couldn’t help but noticed just how amazingly stressed I got over every little thing I had to do. I am very anxiety prone and I over-think EVERYTHING. And under situations of extreme pressure or stress I can really take it to a whole nother level. (One of my most extreme anxiety inducing times was always my exams and during university exam times I was known to just constantly spontaneously burst into tears at any moment simply at the sheer pressure of it all.) Now its not that I’m a weakling in any way (I have actually been through a hell of a lot in my time) and often I even like to be under a bit of pressure because it can be really motivational, if it’s the healthy kind. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take a huge toll on me. Now, in this situation, anxiety levels are beginning to sky rocket and the amount of things I am scared of cannot even be counted! But I am going to try anyway – count them, that is :P

From the most miniscule to the more profound, here is a list of 10 things I am scared about for my journey to Korea:

1. International flights and airports – Airports scare the hell out of me. I have flown very few times in my life and the idea that I could not check in on time, miss my flights, lose my tickets or my documents, take too much luggage, take something in my hand luggage I’m not supposed to, not see my luggage on the carousel, do something I’m not supposed to on the plane, not know where to go or where to walk or what to do and look like a complete idiot – the list is endless. I know it’s silly and that in airports there are plenty of ways to find out what you’re supposed to do and how, but it's still stressing me out to no end. The entire process feels like a disaster waiting to happen. At least I’m not afraid of actually flying. That I find quite exciting actually! Yay for cloud gazing!!

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2. My initial arrival in South Korea – I am pretty good at getting around independently here in South Africa, as long as I have enough info of where to go and where. We don’t have a car at home so I have gotten very used to public transport and such, so this is not something I’m worried about here. But when I first go to a new place (especially one where most things WON’T be in English! Eep!!) I get really anxious about getting lost! When I arrive in the airport in Seoul am I going to know where to go and how to do it, how am I going to manage with money and communicating and handling my stuff?? Those initial few days I think are going to stress the hell out of me just figuring out how to get from point A to point B and such. And the money situation! Having to convert the currency in SA then again when we get to Korea and all that jazz - gosh just TYPING about it is stressing me out. 

3. Being a good teacher – Now I absolutely love teaching. I love little children and I love preparing things to teach and I love interacting with them on a student teacher level. How much I love it is something I don’t doubt. But, I am worried about being good enough in this completely foreign environment. What if my lessons aren’t exciting enough for the kids or not in line with what the principal or co-teachers expect of me? What if they don’t like my teaching style? What if the kids don’t respond to me well? What if I am super nervous and awkward? I am always super anxious about how people receive me and if I’ll do a good enough job in everything I do, and being a full time teacher is no different.

Volunteering with underprivileged pre-schoolers in Grahamstown, Eastern Cape

4. Being judged on my appearance – I have watched A LOT of Youtube videos of people in South Korea who are working or have worked as English teachers, and from what I can tell the women in South Korea are generally rather small and for the most part, rather thin. I have also heard that South Korean people, especially the children, are quite blunt in pointing out that a foreigner is ‘plumper’ than they apparently should be. And I would say I will probably fit into that category. In fact, if I think of myself as “rather plump” in South Africa, then I shudder to think how they will view me in South Korea (I’m assuming just as plain old FAT.) Now while I’ve heard that any comments made will for the most part not be mean spirited or rude at all. South Koreans just have different kinds of filters about appearance issues and what we as Westernised people seem to deem appropriate to talk about regarding them. Talking about people’s weight for us is pretty taboo unless you’re quite close. So Koreans are not meaning to offend at all, its generally just more of an observation - or so people seem to say. But it's still something that worries me because my weight has been an issue for me most of my life and it is something I am quite sensitive about. Generally here in South Africa most people who would bring up my weight in public would be people praising my rather ‘generous’ bum (something considered desirable, especially in many African cultures). And even when it was being pointed out as a compliment it still really gets to me because being overweight – even if it was in the ‘right place’ - is not something I want to be. And let me just emphasise here – its not at all that I think that women of all shapes and sizes aren’t beautiful and shouldn’t love themselves for who they are. I know that what you weigh doesn’t make you who you are and all that jazz. My weight has just personally been an issue I have battled with through the years. So it stresses me out to think that people may be pointing it out to me a lot, or worse, judging me for it, more openly than they would here.

5. Learning the language – Now, generally I have been known to be pretty good at learning languages. In school I was always top in Afrikaans (one of SA’s indigenous languages) and I studied French, which although much harder, I still did pretty well in (although having not spoken any for so long, I can barely remember most of it now). But Korean – especially the Hangul (the Korean alphabet) - is completely different to anything else I have encountered. And even just having started, I am struggling. And there is a big difference between studying a language and actually having to communicate in it and use it to navigate through a place. This I have not ever had to do, so I know its going to be a great challenge. I really hope that I will be able to take a class while in Korea (on top of what I learn through self-study) to be able to properly become fluent in the language. And despite it being difficult, it is a challenge I am certainly up to because not only do I obviously want to be able to effectively communicate in the country I'm living in, but I am one of those weirdos who, once they’ve hit their mature years, would really like to be able to just off-handedly say, "Well yes, I’m fluent in 5 languages and have the basics of another 3..." – or something like that :P

Present from my book store manager brother Greg - McGraw Hill's "Read & Speak Korean for Beginners" ^_^

6. Communicating well with my co-workers – I have always felt anxious in work situations, although I may not show it that much (or at least I hope I don’t!). I worry about saying the right thing, phrasing that right thing in the right way, following the correct protocol for the work environment, being proactive enough without being too overbearing etc. etc. And this environment being so new to me will make these things even harder to navigate. 

7. Making friends – Again, this ties in with my fear of people liking me. Now, while I have always been lucky enough to be blessed with a LOT of amazing friends, I do suffer from a lot of social anxiety, especially amongst new people. This would surprise most people because I am super sociable and love being around lots of people – and probably even come across quite confident to most. This confidence is quite a farce though – used to try and quell that awful anxiety. Despite this though - I am definitely a social person though and through. I certainly need lots of friends and don’t really like being alone at all, especially not for extended periods of time. And another thing I have heard a lot in the Korean teacher videos is that being a foreign teacher, especially in the smaller towns or more rural areas, can be quite a lonely experience at first, with you having a lot of time to yourself. I think this will be a good lesson for me for the future because I am sure it will be an environment a lot closer to real life than I have experienced so far (going from high school where I had my super close friends close by to university where I had hundreds of friends, a lot of whom were literally metres away from me at all times.) But I do hope I meet and make friends with as many people as possible and get to be super sociable like I love. (At least I will always have the confidence of having my beloved Claire just a couple of hours away though, which does reassure me a lot!)

One of my first nights out at university - Street Party 2009

8. Messing up – Now though there are many ways in which I could, and probably will, mess up – I am talking in particular here about culture wise. There are a lot of small, very particular things which are major no-no’s in South Korea and so things which may not seem at all rude to me, may be perceived as incredibly bad-mannered there. For instance, speaking too loudly or not bowing (or not bowing deep enough for a person of high stature) or not taking things with two hands – or even sticking your chopsticks upright in your bowl of rice. I hope I will learn all the little customs quickly and won’t make too much of an idiot of myself!!

9. Enjoying the food – I wouldn’t really call myself a picky eater – I can eat most things really. But there are a few things which I just really don’t touch – most of them things I term “burny” (including raw onion, ground pepper, green peppers and excessive chilli). Now, I do hear that a lot of Korean food can be pretty spicy. And their food really is going to be something completely different to what I have experienced before – not even ever having had much Asian food at all (aside from sushi that I love, of course), never mind Korean! But I am open to anything (except dog of course!) and am sure I will find things that I love.

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10. Putting on weight – This one may seem silly but like I mentioned before weight is somewhat of an issue of mine. And after starting to lose weight properly this year (so far I’ve lost 7kgs and would like to reach my goal weight by the end of next year.), I would really like to maintain it. I am known to go rather off the program with my eating and exercise habits when I am thrown into a new or foreign environment. So I really hope its not gonna be an environment where I start putting weight on again! This is one of the things I do have quite a bit of control over though, so as long as I keep myself disciplined I suppose I should be ok! :P

And that’s just the tip of the great iceberg that is my anxiety for this upcoming adventure. I am sure I will be writing about a lot more, but for now wish me luck and peace of mind!

To all you lovely souls out there I wish you love and joy and lifetime supplies gummi bears!! <3 

Exciting adventure time begins!! (Well, almost...)

So I'm not sure if I have even mentioned this in a previous blog post because I have been such a slacker with this blog thing for so long - but I AM GOING TO SOUTH KOREA!!! 

Yes, little old me, who has never left the country is going to pack up her life (well as much of it as I can fit in a 30kg suitcase! eep :/) and flit off to a foreign land. I will be teaching English (as so many do these days) in Jeokseo Elementary School which is situated in Gyeonggi province (in the northern part of South Korea). My initial contract with the school is for a year - a super big commitment!! 

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I have been working on getting a teaching job in South Korea for a few months now - even having to make an incredibly awkward and dorky video of myself pleading my case of wanting to be a teacher there and giving a little example of my demeanour as a teacher. It is privated on Youtube but I will reward you with the link here - because you are one of the probably VERY few people actually reading this - simply for the pure enjoyment of my embarrassment at anyone seeing it. (please forgive the awful picture and sound and editing quality and my general awkwardness - I had to make this thing really quickly so its rather shoddy. :P) 

Finally, after my 5th interview (despite the fact that by this time I could not possibly hate interviews more and was on the verge of gauging my eyes out with the nearest sharp object at having to answer the question "Why do you want to teach English in South Korea" for the hundredth time) - someone finally wanted to employ me! And this was when the the terror really set in. :P While I am so, so, SO excited to go, and in such desperate need of change and an adventure (this being the perfect opportunity to have this while earning decent money too), I cannot explain how truly terrified I am. This is by far going to be the most challenging and scary thing I have ever done. I will be setting off all on my own into a country completely different to my own, full of people speaking a language I don't (although I am working on that!) - and not just for a little fun holiday trip, but to live and work for AN ENTIRE YEAR (at least). But fear aside, I really do feel ready for hurling myself completely outside of my comfort zone and just doing this thing already. The last few months of being back home have been crazy hard for me. Don't get me wrong - I love Durban and always will - its just after being away from home for 4 years and being independant and in a place where I was so free and always surrounded by friends, going back to being dependant and being rather lonely a lot of the time (with all my Durban friends having made their own lives here and not always being able to hang out quite as much as we'd all have liked to) - was kinda super sucky for me. But it was always the plan for me to come back and put all my energy into going to Korea - which I have now done -- woo hoo!! 

 

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I leave in exactly a month - which means I have just a few short weeks to sort out my paperwork, book my plane ticket, get my visa, buy a huge-ass suitcase, get everything I need AND spend as much time with my friends and family as I can before I leave. That last part is what makes this whole thing super bitter-sweet for me - because I am going to be saying goodbye to my amazing friends for SUCH a long time!! Not only do I have THE most amazing friends from high school but I have also met people of seriously epic awesomeness over the last few years too and it really makes my heart hurt thinking I am going to be away from these gorgeous souls for such a long time. But life must be lived and to travel is to be far away and this is something I am going to have to get used unfortunately. :( And I know the friends I have made are going to be around for life, so I'm sure we'll be together again eventually and in the mean time we will also find numerous ways of annoying each other from across the world too. :) 

And all is not lost becaaaaauuse - my amazing friend Claire is going too! 

**Us having awesome fun times together!**

We have both been working on getting placed in South Korea and she leaves next week for her placement (SO exciting!). We are not too close to each other sadly (she's quite a bit more south than I am). But the public transport in Korea is amazing apparently so it shouldn't be any problem for us to spend our weekends together which will be so much fun! (And it will probably be even cooler because we'll get to explore eachother's parts of the country together.) I am so glad I am going to have one of my best friends just a train ride away, both as a support through this super scary time and as an adventuring buddy to explore this amazing place with. I can already see us going on shopping sprees for cool and quirky clothes, eating weird and wonderful things, exploring ancient spiritual monuments and, of course, consuming a fair (read: excessive) amount of soju along the way ^_^ I cannot emphasise how much my heart fills with joy thinking about being able to share this experience with her. You can follow this adventure from her perspective via her awesome blog dedicated especially to it - Keen for Korea

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I am PROMISING, publicly here for all to see (well the all who are actually seeing this) that I will write at least one blog post a week and keep this updated with both my exciting adventures and my random musings - because we all need a space to put our weird, right? 

For now I wish you all love and rainbows and new experiences!! <3     

CAPE TOWN!

So, I pretty much loved being in Cape Town for about a month. I went down there to do my TESOL course (which I need to go and teach English in South Korea, which will hopefully still happen in August, fingers crossed!) and ended up having SUCH a great time – not to mention a super contemplative one.

Being in Cape Town properly again was quite strange for me. So much of what I saw, despite a ton having changed over the years, brought back tons of memories for me. Whether it was seeing the adorable ducks at Groot Constantia where we went wine tasting (having been there on a school trip back in the day) or walking along the promenade in the early evening time (something I mom and I would do on a daily basis when we lived in Sea Point back then) – it all was quite overwhelmingly nostalgic, and an experience that was both strangely fun and exciting, and really, really sad at the same time. It made me realise how much had changed in me since that time. How much I had changed. And also made me toy with the ever-dangerous notion of “what-if”. What if I had never left this place that I had loved so much? Would things have turned out differently? Would I have been spared the heart ached that resulted when I had returned to Durban to live with my father? Or would I have just experienced heart ache in a different form? It is frivolous, I know, to think in this way, but rather inevitable I suppose. The nostalgia came in another form as well, reconnecting from someone really important from my past, a reconnection which too gave me a heck of a lot to think about. But this is a post for another day…

Being back with Claire and Gabi made me once again appreciate how much they mean to me (along with my other besties from Rhodes). I really have made the most amazing friends over the years, and leaving them all behind is going to be so difficult. :/ Which is another reason why I was so grateful I was able to do this trip and spend all that time with them - from tanning on the beaches of Camps Bay, to getting hit on in strange CT clubs, to entire days spent huddled up in Claire’s bed with nothing but junk food and hours of Glee and Geordie Shore to keep us busy.

The (so-called) real reason I was there, of course, was to do the TESOL course - which was an interesting experience to say the least! I had a great time, met some awesome people, and was lucky enough to feel really validated in the whole thing. Not only was it great to actually use my brain again (it had been a while) but I realised all over again how much I really adore teaching. And I must say Cape Town is a wonderful space to be a student in. When I was staying with my long time high school bestie, Katie, in Rondebosch, I fell in love with this gorgeous little café called Cocoa Wah Wah, where I spent many a day studying and planning lesson (helped along with delectable shakes and tasty treats). And while I was in Sea Point I of course tried to make the most of the invigorating sea breeze by working on the promenade.

And as if in some battle to the death for my attention – the weekends certainly provided much distraction from work in the form of much, much Rhodent style partying from Obz, to Claremont, to Stellies. This was also peppered with cultured things (I was in Cape Town after all so such was necessary) in the form of wine tasting (in which Gabz and I got rather tipsy and said inappropriate things rather more loudly than we should have), champagne and nougat tasting (which was absolutely delectable, even if done while I was hanging like no body’s business), and market trawling (where we looked at pretty things we couldn’t buy). And no Cape Town trip would be complete without feeling like a kid again with a visit to Ratanga Junction.

Overall, Ieaving this place balling my eyes out, I realised how lucky I was to have the friend’s I did to make a trip like that possible. Not only to Claire, Katie, Gabz and Brad for all housing me at one point or another – but to all of them and others (including the crazy Max, the lovely Miss Es, and the best dmc partner ever, Yolande) for sharing part of their lives with me and going out of their way to show me a good time. I truly am blessed. ^_^

My adventures across the country...

So I have, once again, neglected my blog terribly over the last few months and this needs to be rectified asap! For now, let me catch you up on my adventures of the last little while. They have been eventful indeed.

 

                The Chili Peppers and yucky (but fun!) Jozi

At the end of Feb I missioned up to Jo’burg and stayed with the awesome Sarah for about a week for a mini friend reunion and – of course – TO SEE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS PLAY LIVE. Yes, it was amazing. And yes, it did make my life. But before we get to that…

As I always say, Jo’burg really is just not my city. Half our trip really was taken up by traffic and shopping malls – and those are not exactly how you’d like to spend your time on holiday! But then again, I suppose that’s why everyone from there, leaves when it’s their holiday time :P But Claire, Sarah, Megz and I did manage to have plenty of fun – including experiencing the Jozi night life and having an extremely eventful Pimms afternoon which resulted in a strawberry and cucumber fight in the pool. "Because only in Sandton do you have a strawberry fight!!" :P You can see my hilarious behaviour in the video below. Why I expose myself in such embarrassing moments, I do not know :P

Click here to see me, my girls, a pool & a lot of Pimms...

One of the most amazing experiences of the trip was our visit to the lion park where we got to actually stroke and interact with some little lion cubs, who were just amazing. They are so gorgeous, and being up close to them like that was awesome. The one in the photo below was also a rather playful one who was fascinated by my flowy, colourful dress, and his eager little swipes were responsible for the little hole it now has in it.

Seeing the volunteer workers at the place looking after the slightly larger lion cubs was amazing too, ‘cause the lions are so comfortable and affectionate with them. I was so jealous. They were literally lying ON TOP of the keepers like bigger and much more intimidating looking house cats.

On top of that and seeing all the big cats chilling about the park, we also got to feed a giraffe out of our hands which was a fun but rather strange experience. The giraffe was not at all perturbed by the bunch of people around stroking him or putting their arms around his neck – I suppose he was used to it by now. All he was interested in was the food. His mouth and long twisty tongue felt very strange against the palm of your hand though. And his chin was really furry and bristly like he was rocking quite a formidable beard.

Another exciting part of the trip did, in fact, involve the malls – and that was the discovery of my new favourite shop EVAR and what could probably be called an addiction – Cotton On. Luckily the local branch is in Pavillion (somewhere I never go), otherwise my bank balance would definitely be worse for wear. But I made the most of my visits to it in Jo’burg (and later in Cape Town) that I have some rather lovely little pieces added to my wardrobe. Including these stunning sunglasses and cute crop top vibes ^_^

And then there was the concert. Although the overall experience wasn’t THE most amazing just cause of the general vibe and the extremely disappointing supporting acts (including Die Antwoord who I thought would actually be super entertaining but who proved, in fact to be nothing more than a couple of foul mouthed, weirdly dressed peeps, running up and down the stage swearing at the audience – and not even in anything close to a musically interesting way), the performance itself was absolutely awe-inspiring. I could not believe I really was so frikken close to these legends. And to see these guys who have been in the industry for this long and who are still rocking out the way they do if just amazing. I cannot express the overflowing respect I felt standing there (well, jumping up and down there, screaming so much and singing along so loudly I lost my voice :P).

One thing this Jo’burg trip did open my eyes to was, not only the fact of how awesome it was to be back with my awesome girls, but also how refreshing it was to get out of Durban and be somewhere new – even if it was just yucky Jo’burg. And so maybe it partly inspired my next and much greater adventure… 

The end of times - Rhodes times, that is...

So it is all coming to an end. In exactly a month and two days I will be leaving Grahamstown for good, only to return for a weekend when I graduate next year and then possibly never again. These last two essays I write, and this final exam, may be the last pieces of work I ever do for a degree. My university career is almost officially over. Needless to say, this is an exceedingly scary prospect. This place is all I have known for the last four years. And now once again I need to bid adieu to an entire phase of life, and boldly charge (more like awkwardly stumble) into the next one. 

Obviously this time period becomes riddled with nostalgia - lots of reminiscing, looking back, 'talking fondly of the good old days' as if we're a bunch of geezers who've lived through an age. But we have certainly come far from the over-excitable bunch of first years who first entered this debaucherous little town. So pouring over four years worth of photos (and anyone who knows me, knows that equals a flip load, me being a complete photo whore and all :P), I went about the very difficult task of picking a few out to have a little look back over the time... 

1st year - 2009
City Bowl gig in pjs
First night out in g-town with the res girls in o-week
Rat jam with my instant soul mate, Sharlz
Playing dress up in my res room

2nd year - 2010
Lumo vibes with my bestie!
Lady Gaga themed corridor party in res
Leavers dinner
The first boyf, B-rad 

3rd year - 2011
Boat Races, baby!
House sitting with The-O & Miss Es
One of many pre-drinks
My T-themed g-town edition of my 21st

4th year - 2012
Graduation!!!
Ree's 21st with Gabz & Claire (a.k.a the night of the deadly punch)
Body piles at FUSH
Leavers dinner with my Slovo boys

Looking back is completely surreal. So much has happened, so much has changed, I honestly can't believe how fast time has gone or how much has gone time during it. What is for sure is that the wonderful memories certainly outweigh the sucky ones, and I will cherish the time I have had here and the people I have known forever. I feel incredibly lucky to have ended up in this place.

Now it is time for new and unknown adventures. Going to truly be at the hands of what is the harsh and incredibly uncertain real world. I know that I am ready to leave this place, to move on, to grow more and see more and start really living. But that certainly doesn't make leaving all this wonderfulness any easier. 

Here's to awesome pasts and exciting futures!!

Peace and love and rainbows to all ^_^

=) Life is goood... (=

A quick post uploaded sneakily at work…

So I’m on holiday – which means zero internet access, hence the silence. But I couldn’t resist a little update while I have the chance…

The last 2 weeks have been quite the whirlwind. So much has happened and so much is going to happen that I almost don’t know when to start. Firstly, I am no longer single… It is seriously crazy! I went out of my last relationship saying that at least for the extent of this year I did not want to get into anything serious with anyone just because the last one had ended so badly and been so draining and of course because my academics needed to be made my priority. But for some reason that decision go totally overridden :P And what’s even more strange is that it is with someone who I’ve known since 1^st and who I’ve never had any kind of “romantic encounter” with (if I can put it that way :P). But in the last week of term when I was partying with everyone after their last exams, we ended up making the most amazing connection and something just happened.

I know its really insane that 2 weeks later we’re in a relationship, and believe it took A LOT of deliberation on my part. And I couldn’t possibly attempt to go into all the intricacies of my thought patterns over the last few days. But basically I have thrown caution to the wind and put aside all my concerns and fears and just gone with it. I mean, every time we chat, and every moment we spent just chilling and canoodling in my room over those couple of days, just made me so happy. So why not gve it a shot, right? And I mean, he is a wonderful guy, and we have known each other  for 2 and a half years, so its not like we just met… The potential of the whole thing makes me unbelievably excited. The prospect of having him in my life and getting closer and closer is too lovely for words.

One perk, (and I use that word humorously! :P) which was only revealed when I had actually made up my mind and said yes, is that he has tickets to Coldplay in October and is now taking ME =) Which I am frikken freaking out about! I mean, not being able to see them was so utterly depressing to me. I grew up with them and they have been unmoved from my top 5 favourite bands ever since I had the capacity to think up such a list. It is most definitely going to be one of the highlights OF MY LIFE ^_^

Another amazing thing that I am exceedingly excited about is that Josh, Cam, Katez and I are road tripping to G-Town for the Arts Fest on Sunday ^_^ So frikken keen for the festival – was there last year and absolutely loved it. And so frikken keen for road trip vibes! (Copious amounts of photos will be taken and no doubt end up up here.) I absolutely love seeing my friends perform, and quite a few of them will be this year. And its going to be cool to expose Katez to my G-town life :P (Different worlds merging is always rather a strange experience :P).

And then of course it is gonna be MY BIRTHDAY!! ^_^

To sum up, I am feeling so exceedingly blessed right now. This next few months looks like they are going to be some of the best experiences of my life. And I cannot wait.

For now, I will continue to slave away in front of this computer doing this rather tedious and exceedingly boring desk job – the things we do for money, right? :P

Signing out, from my cloud 9 currently situated in the real world (but soon to be relocated :P)

Bisous! xx

Down but not quite out...

So haven't been doing too great lately, and it pains me to make my first official non-happy post on this blog but I guess it had to happen sometime...

So why life is pretty sucky at the moment... Firstly its exams and as if I didn't hate exams enough already, I have been allocated THE worst timetable EVER. I have written 2 in the last 2 days and write on Thursday and Friday. Yes, that means FOUR 3rd year papers, i.e. the majors in the final and hardest year of my degree, in the space of 5 days. Last night my efforts to have another nearly sleepless night studying back fired and I fell asleep and lost around 5 hours of vital study time. It might not seem like a lot, but when I literally had just 12 hours between my first paper and the next, it really is. Basically had a mini-meltdown this morning because I honestly did not feel like I could get the minimum I needed to for this paper. You know its bad when you have to make sure you've wiped off all the of the mascara-laden tear stains down your face before you leave to go write your exam. Now that it is over, I'm still not sure but there's not much I can do about that now. And I basically have absolutely everything riding on this year. But enough about that - I have shed enough tears and wailed at enough of my friends for one day :P (Shout out to Jamie John Bezuidenhout for being the awesome guy he is ;P)

Secondly, and something which puts my exam stress completely in perspective, there was an awful car accident in which two people were killed just outside Grahamstown, a girl who lives in the res just near mine, and I guy who I've seen around g-town a thousand times... Both were good friends with many people I know. Even though I didn't know either of them personally, it is absolutely awful and it has been yet another source of tears over the last 2 days reading the statuses and posts from their friends. I can't help but imagine the unbelievable pain they must be in, not to mention their families! Its just so inconceivable that 2 young, vibrant people with their entire lives ahead of them should be taken from this world. I am sending as much love as I can to all that knew them. :'(

Yet another addition to my current state of emotional turmoil was a message received from my ex-boyfriend a few days ago. Now I know that months down the line, something as insignificant as an sms should not affect me like this but it just has sort of brought up all of the dregs of emotion still dwelling inside of me - and at THE most inconvenient time at that. As much as I have not lost my belief in love, it is times like these that make me think that life would have been a lot simpler if I hadn't found out what it really meant. Because once you've had it and then you lose it, a part of you gets lost with it. And I'm trying to decide which is worse - the time when you're still in love but you know its over for good, or the time when you're not in love anymore and all you have left (amongst the hurt and the resentment) is the memory of what it used to feel like. 

This is by far the my deepest and most revealing post yet. And I do feel a little vulnerable sending such personal musings out into the big wide world. But his is one of the reasons I wanted to do this whole blog thing. To share and express. And not just the good but the bad too. 

On a more positive note, I do have A LOT to look forward to once these exams are over. More deets to follow - but let me just say for now that MAJOR ish is going to be going down. . .

For now I'm signing out to return to my studies. Currently engrossed in the Law of Persons (at least much more interesting than the content of the paper I wrote today even if there is in fact even more to actually learn). Here's to the nasciturus fiction, domicile, prodigals, curators, lots of latin terminology and cases involving people with some of the weirdest names I have ever heard - case in point with Mr. Beaglehole (I mean, really?). 

Signed: Down but not quite out. . .

Was described by a friend today as being like a "sentient stress ball" because of my soothing presence. I quite like that ^_^

~Ruby slippers and pigtails with bows~

So everyone who knows me knows that I love a good dress up party and this has to most definitely be one of my favourites to date... My friend of exceeding loveliness Justine Watkins (pictured below as the sexy purple version of Jasmine from Aladdin) celebrated her 21st with a Musical themed bash and I choose to go as the iconic Dorothy from Wizard of Oz.

I was very proud of my outfit - especially the home-made ruby slippers ^_^ Check it out...

A very special Shark. . .

So there's this lady that needs to make a speedy appearance on this blog. Because anything about me would be totally incomplete without heavy mention of her. :P 

If you ever have the amazing fortune of meeting her you'll understand what I'm talking about. I couldn't even begin to explain how frikken amazing she is. Let's just say I wouldn't be half as cool as I am, if it wasn't for her rubbing off on me :P 

Here are just some of the moments of awesomeness from our 1st year at uni (we were literally joined at the hip from the moment we met, it was kinda freaky actually ;P). . . 

Here is the link to her blog of awesomeness so you too can experience just a taste of the pure magic that is Sharlene Shark Naidoo - http://sharklene.tumblr.com/